The latest trend: Mini battery-powered pumps: Pump it, baby! But please, without any effort!

Cordless mini-pumps have quickly caught the attention of road cyclists and mountain bikers. When used on trails, they promise quick assistance in the event of a puncture and precise control of tyre pressure, without the hassle of pumping by hand. Those are the facts.

Didn’t you see that! Pump it up once, please!

There are some things you don’t need to understand.

For me, mini electric pumps for mountain bikes and road bikes are a must-have.

Recently on a trail somewhere in Upper Bavaria: there’s a bloke standing in the woods with a mountain bike worth 8,000 euros. Carbon as far as the eye can see. High-end suspension, 150 millimetres of travel. Electronic gear changes and a dropper post. Brakes that could probably bring a small car to a standstill.

But there’s not enough air in the tyre.

The motorcyclist has already repaired the puncture in his tubeless tyre. Now he just needs to pump a bit of air into it.

He rummages around in his rucksack and pulls out a small black block, then presses a few buttons on a display.

And then the thing starts to screech.

A mini electric pump.

It is placed on the valve and starts to whir. Loudly. Shrill. Annoying. In the middle of the wood, the electronic hum mingles with the warbling of the blackbirds.

I’m standing there thinking: WTF?

That bloke has just cycled up a hill on his mountain bike, only to then hurtle down a stony slope on it. He’s chosen to do sport of his own accord. To push himself physically. To work up a sweat.

But he has made provisions in case the tyre goes flat – to spare his arms.

With a electric pump.

Yet there is a device that works perfectly for precisely this kind of emergency.

It is said that Mini pump.

Mechanical. No battery. No USB-C. No app. No firmware update.

Don’t get me wrong: I’ve never been against e-bikes. And I’ve always found the elitist posturing of the Lycra crowd, who complain about cyclists using electric assistance to get up the hill, a bit silly.

But the electric pump is a step too far.

A device like that can weigh over 200 grams and, of course, needs to be charged.

As the saying goes: after all, you can also save weight by adding it back in elsewhere.

What actually bothers me about it isn’t the pump at all. It’s the noise in the woods. And I’m fascinated by this trend: nothing is allowed to be a struggle any more. Everything has to become easier, faster and more automated. Even things that don’t require any effort at all.

Open the boot yourself? No! Just wave your foot under the bumper once, and the boot lid opens. Press the button, and it closes again straight away.

The next logical step is the electric water bottle.

It recognises when we get thirsty, moves automatically towards our mouth and pumps the water in.

Oh well. Never mind.

At some point, that screeching thing had pumped up the tyre.

The tyre was full.

And all without any biceps. That’s how it should be. Not!

What do you think? Am I being too harsh in my criticism of the mini electric pumps? Let us know in the comments.